“Send me a pic”

I’m SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO tired of men asking for pictures.

If you want to see me….. invite me out.  Come see me.
SOMETHING?!?!?!

Just STOP asking me to send you a damn pic.

I looked pretty much the same each time you saw me.
….and if it’s been that long, then that’s YOUR bad, because I see myself every.damn.day.

My bigger issue these days is complainants who have remarks about my lack of “full body pics.”

Can I refer you to my initial observation?

If you want to see ME, come see ME.  Invite ME to see you.
This electronic shit is bullshit.

I am a FIRM believer in and advocate for FILTERS AND ANGLES!
So even if I send you a full body pic…..if I have the opportunity and ability, I’m editing the SHIT out that photo.

….and if you are deceived, it’s your own. damn. fault.
You shoulda come to see me.

LOL

Let me be real though….. .
My “full body” is not here for your superficial interest.
Your visual assessment.
Your viewing gratification.

Right now….. FUCK YOU and your desire to have me on display at your whim.

If I was YOURS, you could see my full body at most any time.

BUT since I’m not…..

STOP FUCKING MAKING REQUESTS FOR ME TO POST (OR SEND) YOUR IRRELEVANT ASS A FULL BODY PHOTO OF MYSELF.

I AM UNDER NO OBLIGATION AND YOU SHOULD STOP OBJECTIFYING ME AND PRIORITIZING YOUR BULLSHIT FANTASIES.

If you could get me….. why am I not yours?

 

 

 

 

 

 

no.

heartbroken.

I’m not sure my heart was ever healed from the first one. ever.

So now it’s kinda like after you crack a vase, glue it back together….. and then keep dropping it.

Not a new pain.  Just one that gets dull over time.  But I guess it’s always there.  You teach yourself how to navigate around it so that you don’t re-instigate any intensity.

And sometimes you are so desensitized, you actually forget it exists. You think it can hold water and pretty flowers and brighten up a whole room……

And in those moments, you risk the hardcore re-injury.

Always hoping that taking that risk…
you will find healing?
At least cushioning.
At least gentleness. tenderness. caring. thoughtfulness.

I’m not trying to risk it no more.
go the fuck away.

leave me the hell alone.

No.
I actually don’t like it over here by myself.
but I have to admit, that is still better than….

…….you.
……….and uncertainty.
…………..and heartbreak.

my last “real” (dysfunctional) love told me once that he couldn’t handle another heartbreak. that it would break him.

now I understand.

these aimless, blinding tears… swooping in suddenly and unpredictably.

torrential emotions…making me feel irrational and unstable… and unsociable…

choking up all my conversation; paralyzing my productivity… and creativity.

y’all can keep this shit.

Oxytocin

I don’t know this person.
not really.

but that dude who so skillfully and expressively speaks through his music…. I like him already. 

The dude who subtly instigated a welcomed invitation and seamlessly slipped his way between my sheets and cradled me like he would never let me go. … *whew*
That was a beautiful thang.
I like him even more.

The one who kissed my shoulder and neck so sweetly… I wanted him to never stop…
Whose strong and gentle hand gripped my waist with such feeling, I almost dissolved… 

interlocking my fingers with digits that make miracle sound… earth shattering…

That casual, faux carefree manner, without judgment, without demand…
listened so intently, observed so acutely,
spoke with such insight, experience and wisdom, so understanding

so personal.
so personable.
so honest.

So comfortable, made me want to be that way too.

his rhythm: I always wanted a drummer…and he thoroughly confirmed my “why”…taking syncopation to another level… an endless and very pleasant surprise

his hands
what they do to keys…what they do to the body
THOSE hands made my waist feel small
hands that are absofuckinlutely incredible.

solid, commanding, reassuring, soothing, purposeful….inspiring
speaking their own language ….such strength… I think he knows their power

his mouth
…deserves its own ode. my Lord.
the mere notion provokes my physical response
it is the real MVP

what did you do to me?

the kindness in your spirit
the restlessness of your soul

i wish i had had time to memorize you…

time to allow myself to slide out of reality…
time to get out of my head…
out of my way…
time to feel you…

just more time….

my biggest regret: falling asleep.

some you connect with, others you don’t.

I met a man…
        ……and yes, he changed my life.

😉

Memories…
          from oxytocin.